500 things Ace can not do on the Moby Dick
by TheBlackSpirit
Summary: Inspired by second division prohibitions. It is a known fact that those with the "D" in their name tend to wreak havoc upon the world, Portgas D Ace was no exception. And that is how, the list was born. These are the five hundred reasons why.
1. rules 1 and 2

**Things Portgas D Ace may not do on the Moby Dick.**

_**I may not fall asleep on purpose if I think the meeting is boring and claim it was a narcolepsy attack.**_

He was so bored. So incredibly bored, he was wishing for a narcoleptic fit, but Ace knew for fact he was god's very own comic relief act. He mentally referred to himself as the walking punch line. _ I wonder… everyone here knows I'm subject to random sleep attacks so… why not?_ A victorious smile came to his lips, and in an instant Ace dropped his head on the table and started to "snore". That was one way to avoid a meeting.

_**I may not do so 'accidentally' either.**_

It wasn't his fault this time! For real! He hadn't fallen asleep face first in the middle of Marco's arguments on purpose! Why didn't anyone believe him? On second thought, maybe he had used the "N.F" excuse once too often.

_Yeah, it's very short. Deal with it. There will be around five hundred of these little guys, and I got permission from the creator of the list to do this. Yes, I actually asked. If you want to read the entire list, the fan fiction's name is Second division Prohibitions. Worth reading, and totally hilarious. I'm just using the rules to make little anecdotes, I own none of this. _


	2. rules 3 and 4

**500 things Ace can not do on board the Moby Dick**_  
_**Chapter 2.**

_**3\. Narcolepsy is not contagious. I must stop telling people it is. **_

The whitebeard pirates were all about family, but even that had limits at times. Which is why Ace was currently sitting alone in his corner in the galley, everyone else just staring at him in fright.

Ace was coughing loudly, so loudly in fact that everyone decided to stay away. That is until Marco came along and asked what was up with him, to which Ace seriously replied he had Narcolepsy and it was 'highly contagious.' Marco just rolled his eyes and ignored the black haired eighteen year Old's dramatic coughs.

_**4\. Nor may I threaten to 'infect them'.**_

That would be when Ace decided to 'infect' Marco. Or at least, he tried. It would have gone better had a nurse not shown up and waved a bottle of their nasty cough syrup in Ace's face. To this Ace _squealed_ in fright and ran off, completely healthy once more. To almost everyone's disbelief and or amusement, the nurse chased him down.

Needless to say, Ace wouldn't be doing that again!

_AN: I just wanted to say thank you to the lovely reviewers for last chapter, I'm glad you enjoyed it! Also, I just checked the reading stats and holy crap! They're over the roof! I never get that many readers! Thanks again to all of you! That's about it for now._

_Until next time, _

_**TheBlackSpirit**_


	3. rules 5 and 6

**500 things Ace cannot do on board the Moby Dick**

**Chapter three**

_**5\. I may not go up to other crewmembers, wink and say "mine's bigger." Even if I'm referring to my tattoo.**_

When Marco had woken up that morning, he'd walked to the galley as usual, what wasn't so normal was the blushes covering all of his brothers' faces, minus Ace who was grinning widely. The blonde didn't understand exactly why until said freckled teen waltzed up to him and suggestively said 'Mine's bigger.' After looking at Marco's chest. At this, the blonde's usually straight face fell.

'Actually, Oyaji's is the biggest'

_**6\. Nor may I do so especially if I'm **_**not**_**referring to my tattoo.**_

Later that same day, Ace walked up to Marco and stated, 'you know, I didn't mean the tattoo.' Marco blushed profusely and hid in his quarters for the next day and a half at what he implied accidently. Where was the mental eye bleach when you needed it?

_AN: oh look, that one is even shorter! But hey this is number two today. Anyhow, I'm looking forward to your thoughts!_

_Until next time,_

_**TheBlackSpirit**_


	4. rules 7 and 8

**500 things Ace cannot do on board the Moby Dick.**

**Chapter four**

_**7\. I may not tell Thatch that there's a spider on him just to see him flail.**_

Most of the time, Ace thought Marco was a great guy. But man did his rants go on forever! Bla bla bla, lying isn't nice… bla bla bla, it isn't cool to pick on Thatch because of what he fears… bla bla bla… and it went on. Ace sighed deeply and nodded at Marco, saying dejectedly that he wouldn't do it again and that he was sorry.

Once the Blonde was satisfied, he left. Ace stood still for a moment before an evil smirk came to his lips. He had never specified exactly _what_ he wouldn't do again.

_**8\. Nor may I put the spider there in the first place.**_

Ace was back in slot one, Marco's ranting. This time though, Ace had a come back 'I said I wouldn't lie again and, by the way, I didn't!' at this Marco face planted. The stupidity of this teenager was mind boggling.

Later that night, the few people on deck could hear Marco's dejected sobs coming through their captain's door. Without questioning it, everyone pinned the fault on Ace.

_Holly hell, what is it with you people? Don't you have school or something? (Like I have room to talk! I'm in class) but really, that many views in that little time, that has to be a record! Thanks though, I appreciate it!_


	5. rules 9 to 13

**500 things Ace cannot do on board the Moby Dick**

**Chapter five**

_**9\. I may not 'borrow' all of Thatch's combs and use them to build a bonfire.**_

"Hey Thatch! Can I borrow all fifty of your combs just a sec?" Ace asked. Thatch, who by the way, had just woken up replied without a thought, "Sure, why not?" to this, Ace grinned mischievously and set off with the wooden combs.

It was only when Thatch smelled the smoke that he noticed his mistake.

_**10\. Nor may I wake up early and draw an ugly mustache and beard on the bathroom mirror.**_

Waking up to a shrill screech wasn't something Marco enjoyed, but Thatch bursting into his room and jumping into his bed while crying was even worse.

"ACE!" was what the rest of the crew woke up to that morning.

_**11\. I may not hide baby birds in his hair.**_

Thatch was running back and forth on the main deck, yelling his lungs out. On the side, Ace laughed his lungs out. From Thatch's hair you could hear melodious chirping. Suddenly the pompadour man yelled even louder.

"IT JUST LAYED AN EGG!"

_**12\. I may not tie all his ascots together for a magic trick. Especially when that trick involves setting stuff on fire.**_

"So, Thatch why're you shirtless?" Haruta asked.

"Ask. _Him_." Thatch replied angrily pointing at a giggling Ace.

_**13\. I may not 'sample' his products and turn my hair into a spiky helmet.**_

_**14\. Nor may I try to impale people on my new do.**_

_AN: so yep, I left the last two blank. I have no idea what to do with those for now, but I'll get back to them. Anyhow, I hope you all enjoyed it and I will take this opportunity to remind you I deeply enjoy feedback. So please, review! _

_Until next time,_

_**TheBlackSpirit**_


	6. rules 15 to 18

**500 things Ace cannot do on the Moby Dick**

**Chapter 6.**

_**15\. I may not use Izou's lipstick then complain that 'it's not my shade'.**_

"Gimme." Ace stated snatching lipstick from a now gapping Izou. Without further ado, the younger put it on. When he was done, he looked into a mirror and sighed.

"It isn't my shade." At those words, Marco face planted. Decidedly, that red mark was here to stay.

_**16\. Nor may I use it to draw on the deck like a three-year-old.**_

Marco had been sleeping well for once. A good night's sleep hadn't happened to him since the day Ace had decided to take Whitebeard's head, but it was very quiet that morning. Maybe a little too quiet. With a sigh, Marco reluctantly left his bed and made way to check what Ace was up to. Everything was okay, until the phoenix got to the deck where he saw the weirdest doodles drawn out of… was that _Lipstick_? The clear culprit was Ace, asleep surrounded by tubes of said facial makeup. Marco's brow ticked before he gave a resigned sigh and went back to his room to sleep. _Izou is going to be furious._

_**17\. Nor may I cover myself with his face powder and pretend to be a ghost.**_

"BOO!" Ace yelled from behind Thatch who gave an unmanly shriek and jumped ounto Marco.

The latter just sighed.

_**18\. Actually I must stay away from all beauty products.**_

Ace's bounty had gone up _again._ Why? Destroying a cosmetics store. Marco wasn't even going to ask about the story behind that one.

_AN Chapter six is done! Thoughts? Comments? Insults? Death threats? Go ahead! I want to hear them!_

_Until next time,_

_**The**__**BlackSpirit**_


	7. rules 19 and 20

**500 things Ace cannot do on board the Moby Dick**

**Chapter 7**

_**9\. I may not tell the nurses that pop's IV has been replaced with sake. Especially if it's true.**_

"Hey, did you guys know pop's IV was replaced with Sake? Thatch told me." Ace stated and zoomed off, leaving three furious nurses behind.

A few seconds of quiet and then…

"_NEWGATE!_" was heard throughout the ship. Needless to say, they were not happy.

_**20\. The proper response to being summoned is, "you wanted to see me pop?" not "You can't prove a thing!"**_

Ace had been summoned, so being a 'good' pirate he went to pop's room, as he had been asked. As the fire man opened the door he promptly stated " You can't prove a thing!" that's when Marco spoke up and said, "Ace, what did you do? This is a commander's meeting."

Ace smirked evilly and said, "Nothing, nothing at all."

For the rest of the week the entirety of the Whitebeard pirates was paranoid at what goodie they'd find from their newest commander. The latter hadn't lied for once. There really was nothing… except maybe the empty storage room.

_AN: Thoughts? By the way happy April fool's. I don't really enjoy this day but hey, if you do, I am not judging._


	8. rules 21 to 34

**500 things Ace cannot do on board the Moby Dick**

**Chapter eight**

_**21\. I may not check Marco's bed for eggs. I must remember that he is male and therefore cannot lay eggs.**_

Marco awoke to the sound of his door creaking open. He looked a t the time before groaning.

"Thatch for fuck's sake it's three in the god damn morning. Go back to sleep. I don't care if you had a nightmare. Go sleep with pops dammit." Marco growled as a figure neared his bed. The blonde buried his head in his pillow tiredly.

"It isn't Thatch." The figure, no, Ace replied.

"The hell Ace? You of all people know what it feels like to miss out on sleep! Get out!" Marco spat. The fire man ignored him completely and started searching through Marco's sheets._ The fuck is he doing?_

"Ace. What are you doing?" Marco questioned.

"Oh, don't mind me… I'm looking for eggs." The freckled man replied.

"WHAT?! GET OUT YOU DAMN BRAT!" Marco yelled, finally having had enough.

_**22\. I may not tell others that the sound coming from his beak is a mating call.**_

"So, Marco, I guess you're pretty lonely huh?" A crew mate teased. The commander's brow twitched.

"What would give you that idea?" the phoenix asked.

"That sound from your beak _is_ a mating call, right?" The crew mate asked. Marco clenched his fists.

"ACE!?" Marco yelled once again.

_**23\. I may not give other bird zoans, like that falcon guy in Arabasta, Marco's den den mushi number.**_

The Den den mushi hadn't stopped ring ing all day and Marco was sick and tired of it. _The next time I see Ace, I'm gutting him._ He thought to himself as he answered yet another call.

_**24\. I may not dress up a pineapple and claim to have found Marco's twin brother.**_

_**25\. I may not hide Marco in a pineapple plantation for fun.**_

_**26\. Nor may I offer Jozu as the prize.**_

_**27\. I may not put a sign on the crow's nest that reads, "Marco's roosting spot".**_

_**28\. I may not loudly accuse Marco of being a cannibal when we're having chicken for lunch.**_

"You _monster_!" Ace loudly stated while staring right at Marco's plate, they were having Chicken Catciatore for lunch that day.

Marco just rolled his eyes and proceeded to eat.

"Cannibal!" Ace yelled and stormed off.

_Idiots will be idiots. _Marco thought.

_**29\. Nor may I do so at any time regarding any type of fowl.**_

Ace was still glaring at Marco, sure the Pheonix was eating duck but _come on_.

"Ace, for the last time. I am a _Pheonix._ Not your every day_ bird_!"

_**30\. Nor may I accuse him of eating 'babies' when he has an omelet for breakfast.**_

"The eggs never hatched. They are unborn any way, idiot."

_**31\. Just because I can touch him in phoenix form does not give me the right to ride him.**_

_**32\. Nor may I pluck him.**_

_**33\. I may not start an argument that just because his flame is blue while mine is orange doesn't make him hotter than me.**_

"Hey Marco! You aren't hotter than me!" Ace yelled.

"Actually, he is. His flames are blue, it is a warmer fire than yours Ace." Thatch explained.

"Yeah, well he isn't better looking!" Ace snapped.

_**34\. Nor may I take my clothes off to prove it.**_

"See!?" Ace said as he stripped. Marco on his side just face palmed.

_Okay so as you guys may have noticed there are many non-written ones in this chapter. Some of them are self-explanatory though. Others I just couldn't work with. Sorry. _

_Also sorry for the wait for this chapter, I had a really busy weekend and my all day horseback riding lessons have begun once again. That means I have less time to work on fanfiction until November. I am sore as hell because of the classes as well, but hey, I'll live. I've gone through it for the past seven ish years so this one shouldn't be that big of a problem either. _

_Anyhow, I am looking forward to know what you guys think. _

_Until next time,_

_**TheBlackSpirit**_


	9. rules 35 to 37

**500 things Ace cannot do on board the Moby Dick**

**Chapter nine**

_**35\. I may not tell Curiel that I admire his guns in a suggestive way ever again.**_

"This has to stop." Izou stated as he watched Curiel curl up into a ball and start rocking back and forth nervously. Marco could only nod as he heard Ace's mad cackle.

"Anny idea what the freckled menace did this time?" Marco asked cautiously. He regretted it when he noticed Izou's disgusted face.

"He told Curiel that he liked his guns. _Really suggestively._" Izou answered. Marco paled.

"Oh. _Oh my god._ What is _wrong_ with that brat?"

_**36\. I may not play connect-the-freckles. Especially with the freckles under my clothes.**_

Things were finally looking up, it seemed Ace hadn't done anything too stupid this morning. Or that's what Marco believed until he walked onto the deck only to see Ace without his pants on with a… was that a _Sharpie_?

_**37\. Nor may I ask others if they want to play.**_

"Morning Marco! Wanna play connect the freckles with me?" Ace asked straight to the point. _Does he mean… Oh god. Oh god no!_ Marco thought before turning on his heal and walking straight back to his room. The thoughts that plagued him for the next few hours would have made Sigmund Freud blush.

_AN: how was that? Good, bad, just plain horrible? Tell me will you? Also thanks to all the reviewers for last chapter! I truly appreciate it! Please tell me what you think. _

_Also, if you guys draw any fan art please send me a link so I can enjoy it. _

_Until next time,_

_**TheBlackSpirit**_


	10. rules 38 to 42

**500 things Ace cannot do on board the Moby Dick**

**Chapter ten**

_**38\. I am not allowed to tell people that Vista's mustache is evil.**_

_**39\. Or that it's trying to take over the world.**_

_**40\. I may not threaten to wax it if it won't give up its secrets.**_

_**41\. I may not put rabbits in his hat either.**_

_**42\. Nor may I refer to Mihawk as his other sword.**_

_AN: As you may have noticed, this one is kind of… blank. Yeah, about that? This one just isn't working out for me right now. I have no ideas related to this what so ever. If you guys are feeling inspired for these, I am begging you to help me out! _

_Anyhow, number eleven should be better and up soon. As for number twelve…. That one I'm enjoying __**very**__ much. You'll see why when it's on line!_

_I'll post again in a few minutes,_

_**TheBlackSpirit**_


	11. rules 43 to 46

**500 things Ace cannot do on board the Moby Dick**

**Chapter eleven**

_**43\. I may not offer to polish Jozu.**_

"Ace, can you help me out with- What in the name of the celestial dragons are you doing?" Thatch asked.

"I'm going to polish Jozu!" Ace replied gleefully._ He's going to…. What? _

"Ah ha, does he know?" Thatch asked, slightly worried.

"Nope. Why?" Ace asked clueless. That time, it was Thatch's turn to face plant.

_**44\. I may not sell him to a jewelry store.**_

Ace was sitting in a bar all the while wisteling gleefully, surrounded by around forty plates. The food was still coming and Ace wasn't even near finished yet. A few hours later, Marco waltzed in.

"Hey Ace! Have you seen Jozu? He was supposed to switch in with Thatch on Ship watch two hours ago!" Marco said, straight to the point. Ace shook his head. "You sure?" Marco asked.

"Yep." Ace replied, going back to his fiftieth plate.

"By the way how did you get so much money? Last I heard you were broke." Marco stated.

"Diamonds are a large supply in demand." Ace replied automatically.

"You didn't…. No way. Ace? You didn't sell Jozu did you?!" Marco growled as he watched Ace Pale almost humorously. The freckled man then stuffed the reminder of his food into his mouth and ran. _And man could the kid run._

_**45\. I may not ask him 'what a girl wants' on the basis that he's 'a girl's best friend'.**_

"Hey Jozu" Ace said.

"Yeah? What do you want now?" Jozu replied.

"What do girls want?" The fire man asked.

"How the hell am I supposed to know?!" Jozu snapped back.

"Well, you are a girls best friend right? Since your diamond and all." Ace explained. Jozu just sighed.

_**46\. I am not allowed to stare at Jozu for hours on end because 'he's shiny'.**_

"What?!" Jozu asked.

"Huh?" Ace replied

"You've been staring at me for five hours, what do you want?!" Jozu growled.

"Oh nothing... I just never realised how shiny you are!" Ace exclaimed joyfully, and went back to staring.

_AN: See, I told you it would be better! So that's it for chapter eleven. Toughts? _

_See you soon!_


	12. rules 47 to 49

**500 things Ace cannot do on board the Moby Dick**

**Chapter twelve**

_**47\. I am not allowed to scream and point at people saying that their outfits hurt my eyes. Even if it's true.**_

Waking up to a dungeon pleasant, as Ace had discovered that day. But even worse than that was waking up in the Dressrossa castle dungeon. Now the question was, why was he here? Ace stood and attempted to take a step forward only to fall flat on the ground. The fire man sat up and gazed at his feet. Shackled. Of course they were. Ace sighed and let himself flop down on his back, an arm covering his eyes. Why was he in here again?

That's right… Doflamingo. His outfit and that comment ace made. Oh damn it. Marco was going to kill him when he found out about this! But that wasn't all he had done right?

_**48\. Nor may burn people's clothes off just because I don't like their fashion sense.**_

That would be when Ace remembered. He had burnt the pink dressed man's clothing off. Time to call in for help then.

_**49\. I am not allowed to be offended when people say I have no fashion sense. I must remember I run around half naked wearing a bright orange cowboy hat.**_

_After Ace gets busted out of jail…_

"So, why were you in there any way?" Thatch asked with a chuckle.

"I may have insulted Doflamingo's sense of style." Ace replied with a small smirk. Thatch sighed.

"Ace, you have no room to talk when it comes to fashion. I mean… look at yourself!" Izuo exclaimed.

"What is that supposed to mean eh?!" Ace shouted back angrily. That, obviously alerted the guards who at once headed their way. That's how three commanders ended up spending a month in the Dressrossa jail.

**End of this chapter.**

_AN: so I might have lost my touch… not sure though. Sorry for the long wait, it just wasn't coming to me for a little while and well, I've also been a little busy with exams coming up and all. No worries though, I have spare time to come so I'll be able to update more often. Also if you guys have the time, check out Voice mails! I had an assignment for writing class and I thought the first one up while working on it. _

_Don't forget to review on your way out!_

_Sincerely,_

_**TheBlackSpirit**_


	13. rules 50 and 51

**500 things Ace cannot do on board the Moby Dick**

**Chapter thirteen**

_**50\. I am not allowed to set fire to important paperwork then claim to never have received them.**_

After a day of being a commander, Ace came to realise something. Being in power meant paper work. And in the name of hell did he hate those damn sheets of tiny writing. Nothing better to make him fall asleep! So he got an idea. What if… he burned the paper work? He could just dump the ashes out of his window and no one would ever know! After he'd just claim he never got 'em. Problem sloved! Or so he thought.

_**51\. Especially if the paperwork isn't even mine.**_

Ace had just finished getting rid of the evidence when Marco burst into his room suddenly without knocking.

"Ace! You haven't seen the gain list have you?!" Marco questioned nervously.

"No." Ace replied quickly.

"That's weird. Thatch told me it was dropped off in your room instead of mi- Ace, _why do I smell fire_?" Marco groweled the last bit.

"I didn't know they were yours I swear!" The younger exclaimed before he ran off fearing for his life.

"Comme back here you little shit!" Shouted Marco after him.

In his room on deck Edward Newgate sighed. _Some times I wonder why I wanted such a large family._

**Chapter end.**

_AN: Look! New chapter. Already. Yeah… I know, that was pretty fast, maybe if we're lucky I'll be able to write some more later eh? _

_Don't forget to leave a review on your way out!_

_I'll update pretty soon,_

_**TheBlackSpirit**_


	14. rules 52 to 54

**500 things Ace cannot do on board the Moby Dick**

**Chapter fourteen**

_**52\. I may not replace all the liquor on board with orange juice.**_

_Vengeance sure is sweet. _Ace thought as he emptied the sake bottles over the deck railing. It was night and Ace had been put on night watch for the first and what he hoped was the last time. After he was done, he filled every single bottle with sunny d. he put them back in place and waited for the chaos to unfold.

_**53\. I may not paint pop's mustache yellow and call it a banana.**_

Another he did that night was sneak into oyaji's room. Not to attack him that time, no, far from it. He snuck in with some yellow die and painted white beard's mustache, when he was finished, he dumped the evidence over board and got ready for his next piece of vengeance.

_**54\. Nor may I stick a giant ball of candy onto the end of his bisento to make it look like a lollipop.**_

It had cost him 100 000 000 beli but it was totally worth it. He stuck the huge ball i=of candy and cackled. He wouldn't do night watch again for sure!

_AN: I've handed in my writing exam, so I have four more to go. (Writing has a written exam and creative exam… joy) I have a little spare time but not much, sadly. Any how, this is chapter fourteen, I'm sorry about how short it is, but you can expect some more soon enough. _

_Don't forget to leave a review on your way out!_

_Until next time,_

_**TheBlackSpirit**_


	15. rules 55 to 58

**500 things Ace cannot do on board the Moby dick**

**Chapter fifteen**

_**55\. The phrase "liar, liar, pants on fire" is not meant to be taken literally. I must stop doing so.**_

It really wasn't his fault at all. It wasn't his fault Shanks' ship had sunk because of a fire. Sure, he had lit that crew member's pants on fire but… he wasn't the one that put that barrel of rum there. Or made the ship blow up. Yet everyone seemed to blame him for that war threat they'd just received. That and they wanted him, of all people, to pay the full price for the new ship! He needed that cash for food!

_**56\. The D in my name is a not a license to do idiotic things.**_

When Marco had asked him why he'd lit the guy's pants on fire, Ace had simply reminded him he was a "d". that earned him a thwack on the back on the head from a very pissed off commander.

_**57\. Nor may tell people that it stands for dashing, devious, d*ck or any other descriptive words starting with D that I think is cool.**_

"So, what does the D stand for any way?" asked some new guy.

"It stands for Dauntless." Ace replied happily. The newbie nodded gullibly and left. Ace's felt was marred with his signature smirk, until Haruta appeared that is.

"Ace, you've been around long enough for me to know that when you have that face, some one is suffering. What did you do?" Haruta asked. Ace's smirk just grew and he skipped off without a word.

_**58\. Nor does it make me 'D man'.**_

_Marco is such a party pooper._ Ace thought. He had been forbidden from using the word Dauntless as a stand in for the D in his name. lost in thought, Ace kept scowling. Until he thought up this. He was the only D on this ship, save Teach. That could make him D man. He had found himself a new nickname!

_AN: okay, so it wasn't published the same day. On the other hand, exam week is starting on Monday and after that, from Thursday, I'm off school for two months! Meaning more spare time to write these lovelies. So I guess you can expect more soon enough eh?_

_Don't forget to review on your way out,_

_**TheBlackSpirit**_


	16. rules 59 to 62

**500 things Ace cannot do on board the Moby Dick**

**Chapter 16**

_**59\. I am not allowed to doodle on my crewmates' wanted posters.**_

Ever since those hundred failed tries at taking whitebeard's enormous head, Ace had become accustomed to a very… active schedule. But when he had joined the crew, said schedule got pretty empty, if you didn't count the paper work, and Ace found himself staring at his ceiling more often than not. In other words, Ace was bored half to death. So, being the impulsive idiot he was, he decided to doodle on some papers from Marco's desk.

The sheets seemed quite old and brittle, but ace gave those facts no thought, he was so bored after all. It wasn't until Marco knocked and asked Ace if he had seen the crew wanted Posters that the Fire Man realized his mistake.

_**60\. I may not doodle on our allies' wanted posters.**_

While getting yelled at may not be the most enjoyable of activities, at least it was a break from the routine. So Ace wasn't as bored as he had been just a few minutes ago.

Quite honestly, Ace had taken enjoyment at trying to piss off Marco, the man always seemed so… calm and bored, it was nice to see something else.

Marco had most definitely lost his cool if Ace could judge by the tick mark on the pineapple's forehead.

_**61\. I may not send embarrassing photographs of my crewmates to the guys who print the wanted posters.**_

The white beard pirates were all about parties and getting into a drunken stupor. And hang overs too, those mornings were the worst. During the festivities, some pictures were taken at times, displaying some pretty awkward situation if taken out of context.

Said drunken pictures were never remembered by anyone, and most wanted it to stay that way as the pictures weren't the most… pleasing. For those that did remember the photographs, they were a great source of Black Mail.

So, one morning when Marco received the weekly News Coo, and checked the articles finding a selection of preposterous pictures of his brothers, and surprisingly, himself, he blanched.

The only thing on his mind was how the hell he had wound up in a bright pink dress with frills and where the hell he had found it.

_**62\. Nor may I send them my crewmates' baby pictures.**_

_AN: So, hi… Please don't kill me! I had a really busy summer and no imagination for most of it, not to mention the lack of internet (all hail the middle of the woods! Yay!). But, I am truly sorry for disappearing for two months, other than to review on certain fanfictions (you know who you are if you're reading this). I have started school once again but I do have a spare period as I am officially in my last year. One last year with all the morons and I am out of this place, hells yeah! _

_Anyway, please leave a review and the lapse between updating should be shorter than this, though probably not three times a day or more as I used to do… _

_Until next time,_

_**TheBlackSpirit**_


	17. rules 63 and 64

**500 things Ace cannot do on board the Moby Dick**

**Chapter 17**

_**63\. I may not inform bounty hunters of the whereabouts of my enemies. I must take care of my own problems like a grown man.**_

Ace had always had trouble getting along with fellow human beings, but this was slightly pushing it. The question was, how exactly the fireman had found his exact coordinates. The answer would be forever unknown, Black Beard realised as Marines boarded his flag ship and they got ready to arrest him with the rest of his crew.

Needless to say, vengeance was pretty damn sweet.

_**64\. I am not allowed to drown.**_

How Ace manadged to fall in the ocean this time, Thatch would never know, more so, he could not phantom why or how he had dragged one chicken along with him. The fire hazard certainly had a talent for "stumbling" into his opposed element that was for sure.

He had already fallen in twice, and at the third splash, and an angry grumble from Namur, Thatch sighed. This was the last time anyone would give Ace coffee if he had anything to do with it.

Sleep walking devil fruit eaters was the last thing the world needed.

_An: Erm… Hi? I'm actually surprised that this thing isn't completely dead yet. And I am incredibly sorry for not updating since September 9__th__ 2014 ( which is more than a year ago) in all honesty, when I started this fanfic, I was depressed and humor would cheer me up… but at this point, I'm a happy human being thing. As such, I have great difficulty writing things that I find funny. So again sorry. _

_In hopes that I will be able to update soon,_

_**Spirit**_


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